January 2011
Hold the phone
whenparentstext:
mom: Hold the phone….WE are at a posh restaurant in Vail and 9 men in lederhosen just sat at table near us!
mom: 8 of them are portly, but the ninth one is a young stud. Obviously leaning how to rock his lederhosen from the masters!
Me: Apparently, he tripped and his dick fell into her, totally by accident.
AJ: Best line ever.
The Wallower
Phone rings, I pick it up...
Antonio: What are you doing?
Me: I'm coming over.
Antonio: Were you wallowing?
Me: No, I just got out of the shower. Where I wallowed.
“When the hardest part is over, we’ll be here.
And our dreams will break the...”
– Brandon Flowers
submitted by itookadeepbreath
6 tags
Doing The Worm/Catepillar
EXPECTATIONS:
REALITY:
These are my last words to you.
hellyeahhowimetyourmother:
Me: I'm in line at a videogame store and the little 14 year old nerd behind me keeps accidentally bumping his hand against my ass.
Awesome Man Friend: Can't blame a man for trying. That ass rocks!!